Hiring Anniversary Gifts

"You had the persistence to wind your way through our labyrinthian phone system to ask for an interview...you're hired!"

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

Where your mind & battle are los

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

Butterfly Woman

'Let's not go by the book.'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Staff support"

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."