Job Interview Anniversary Gifts

'We were very impressed by your resume. Especially the part where you mention that your grandfather is our CEO.'

Interviewer reads Clown's CV and a custard pie pops out.

"I expected the moral assessment, but the credit check surprised me."

'I know we got the job, but trust me, ‘dress for success' always applies, even after the interview.'

'Come back in a couple of days. Maybe something will have opened up.'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Where your mind & battle are los

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

Butterfly Woman

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"Staff support"

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'