Hipster Intellectual Pillows

Woke Jersey Shore

Wifi in Hell

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

Joined at the hipster.

Emergency Hipster Beard

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

Old rocker.

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

Your Guide to Winning Movember

Spontaneous Kombucha

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

Peak Beard/High Peak Beard

Meticulously prepared, locally sourced food served on artifacts of a romanticized industrial past, by people who take their fashion cues from daguerreotypes, to adults whose parents still pay their rent.

The Organic

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

The Inventor of the Man Bun!

"Yo, how's it swinging?"

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

Gangsta wrap.

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."

"Wow, yours is already climbing your beard!"

A train's dining car is a diner.

Hipster Police Department

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

'Dude, ya hat's on backwards.'

"I love blue Martinis. It's like the fifties and the nineties all mixed up together."

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

White Flight. Beautification. Gentrification. Plain Old Rich.