Hipster Culture Pillows

"I'm excited to leave this party we're going to."

Coffee shop menu flow chart.

Midtown Meta-Moment

"Golly, bongos and espresso! You folks haven't changed a bit."

"Oh no I forgot to grow a beard."

"I seek not the truth. I seek beard grooming tips."

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

Emergency Hipster Beard

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

"Man bun, paddleboarding and vaping? Remember, it's our duty as predators to cull out the lame."

"It's actually an ink stain but my wife has grown quite fond of it."

"I think we can relax, they're not lumberjacks after all: They're hipsters..."

"Something a little different this time or would sir care to look like a dick again?"

Peak Beard/High Peak Beard

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

"We usually serve flavored coffee, so I'll ask my manager to contact the corporate office to see if we still serve black coffee."

"It's nothing new. We've always offered a complimentary beard wash following an order of ribs."

"Sometimes, just to agitate them, I flash my jar on instant coffee."

"The barista was fast, but it took me 15 minutes to figure out the menu."

"Two non-fat lattes and a decaf flat white, please."

"I only drink Arts and Crafts beer."

"You say lar-tay, I say latt-ay, let's call the whole thing off."

"Sorry mate, you're not coming in without any proof of beard."

"I can't stop humming 'Tea for Two'."

"Oh yeh! Well my dad's beard is bigger than your dad's!"

Top knot

"I'm looking for a memorable flavor experience at a forgettable price."

"Joe 4-Pack"

Shaving off your Beard

Can I get you another coffee?

Meticulously prepared, locally sourced food served on artifacts of a romanticized industrial past, by people who take their fashion cues from daguerreotypes, to adults whose parents still pay their rent.

"Here's a cappuccino place. Oh, forget it—too many nose rings with sketchbooks."

"I don't think this is a diner about being a diner. I think this is just a diner."

Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Balsamic Vinegar, Veal Stock