Hipster Hearted Gifts

'Oh good gosh, No! We cannot go in there. It's full of hipsteers.'

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Wifi in Hell

Emergency Hipster Beard

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

Joined at the hipster.

Old rocker.

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

Spontaneous Kombucha

"Come to our microbrew party Saturday. It's B.Y.O.B. — Bring Your Own Brewery."

Your Guide to Winning Movember

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

"You'll find that as a restaurateur I've worked hard to showcase the finest in organic and free range ingredients that have been harvested and prepared in authentic and traditional ways."

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

The Organic

Meticulously prepared, locally sourced food served on artifacts of a romanticized industrial past, by people who take their fashion cues from daguerreotypes, to adults whose parents still pay their rent.

Peak Beard/High Peak Beard

'It's just full of dirty laundry but it makes me feel much more hip.'

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

"As your new CEO, I hereby change 'deadline' to 'soft squiggle.'"

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

Pub. This is John. He also loves obscure bands until they're popular then hates them. The Druidiots. Luckies. 50 ale.

"There you go bra. Double flat white and homage to Rothko's Seagram series."

Our changing neighborhood: new store openings.

Unlike modern day hipsters, pre-historic hipsters didn't need to rely on yoga, hiking or even rock climbing to stay fit...

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

"And now a correction: Portions of last night's story on diving mules which were read with an air of ironic detachment should actually have been presented with earnest concern."