Higher Education Reformist Gifts

Cash For Places - Penbroke College

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

'What's play?'

Coronavirus Impact on Children

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

Budget

"Coronavirus, masks requirements, falling test scores, student violence - we need to be able to pray in school!"

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

'Lessons have been learned.'

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"In this one, references to everything have been deleted."

6th Grade Do-You-Own Research Fair

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

New dunce caps

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

'Exams were harder before the Renaissance.'

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

'The trouble with education is everyone knows how to teach, but nobody knows how to learn.'

'In a bizarre set of circumstances, the book salesman never showed up, but a drug rep is here with samples of Prozac.'

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

"I'm holding George back this year because he's failed to forge a personal style."

Spell-Check Bee

'Today in school we learned how to blame everything on the United States!'

'He has a learning disability all right - television!'

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'Intellectual bigotry...Go ahead, blaspheme my holy scriptures, the media loves it...'

"No textbooks. I'm strictly Web-fed."

'Please help, ma'am. I need support to write my Ph.D. dissertation on 'Successful fund-raising techniques'.'

"How do we make sure the students' voices are heard, but get them to be quiet at the same time?"

"Okay, I guess....first we had a lockdown drill, then we had an active shooter drill. Following that we had a fire drill. After that we got to meet out security guards. Then we watched a video on avoiding sexual predators...."

"Buy stock in a college?...I don't think you can...but why would we?"

"What's the point of school? We can just look all this stuff up on wikipedia."

Bernie for Labor!