High Wire Fan Pillows

'They're call 'spotters', Verl. They make sure she doesn't cheat.'

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

"That? It's where I keep all my passwords."

Curling your hair for no reason

Teapot

"The Flying Wallendas at home"

Networking

'Disqualified!... He did not yell 'Boing' when he jumped!'

'Boy, seven sneezes in a row, that's a record, Julie'

The sheep are much easier to keep track of now. They spend all day watching clips on Ewe Tube!

'Bob, I was just trying to get you on the phone to see what all that noise outside was about.'

People who understand Venn diagrams

Tightrope Walker

The stilt walkers union on strike

Flying NHS Walk-in Centre

"Who'd have thought it? It turns out you can take it with you when you die."

Hairy Potter and friend..

Owl seeing how many times it can twist it's head around - "...14, 15, 16, there goes the record."

The sooner you stop freaking out, the sooner I can take the pic.

No, Carl, I don't know of a cure for the hiccups.

Trainspotters.

High wire performer has to stop at traffic lights for crossing trapeze artists.

"The particle physicists get all the chicks."

Bernard Palissy

"It's raw, unprocessed wool."

'I need just a hair cut off this.'

Did you know there's a growing worldwide system of rails and roads that all lead to China? Did you know China's on the verge of dominating the industries of the future? Did you know China's built fifteen mega-cities? It's like having fifteen New Yorks. Did you know China's building immense undersea tunnels and super-fast high speed rail to create the world's first super-cities that'll be six times the population of New York? Oh, well ... I'm sure we're still number one in all the areas I didn't

'So sorry, I thought you were an Anthony Gormley.'

'I still prefer the pipe. A ceremony isn't the same sharing nicotine peace gum.'

Just Married

'Looks like a contractor coming in expecting to get a big loan.'

"One other thing, when this baby starts rollin, make sure a Health and Safety guy is way out front waving a red flag!"

Future world records

'Yes, well I wasn't wearing a harness like that Niagara Falls Wallenda wimp!'