High Street Humorist Pillows

Old lady's mobility scooter has six stickers on the side of pedestrian victims.

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'Your fur looks like you slept in it.'

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

The Ladies Who Lurch.

'Oh dear, what a shame - It's raining again, Pam!'

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

Magic Act

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

Unpopular Street Signs: Go, Please Litter, Yes Parking, Garbage Collection - Sometimes Never - Mon-Fri.

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

"Are you aware that in your submission you misspelled 'deer editer'?"

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

Walk, Don't Walk, Laugh.

'Today stocks dropped on news that the only thing to fear is everything.'

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

"I knew Heaven would be by Chanel."

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"