High-five Expert Gifts

"I just attained enlightenment! - Gimme a high-five!"

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

'Anderson! On this team we slap hands or slap fannies after someone scores a run. We do not slap faces.'

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

Mixed Marriage: Downhill Racer.

"I don't know art, but I know what I like."

Parenting is... watching them sleep.

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fives on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

'Clown-noser.'

'You don't know why you're down here?... Aren't you the guy that invented the high five in sports?'

'I tried to teach him to shake, but he'd rather do 'high fives'.'

"Thanks for calling the celebration help desk. For assistance with high fives, press one now. For fist bumps, press two, for chest bumps, press three..."

Do Not Confuse Your Internet Search With my Medical Degree!

Thumbs Up Banker

'Keep an eye on young Yomp, he's excellent at damning others with faint praise.'

"I know this sounds like a line, but nice shooting."

Caveman to caveman: 'I just learned to walk - gimme a high five!'

'Do you get your good looks from your mother or your father?'

'Now that's what I call a trickshot!'

'Look! A buy signal.'

Caution: High-five area.

'All right, guys, let's take a little break then give it another try...'

'Why does your Superbowl ring have a picture of Captain Crunch on it?'

Bird's flying south.

"Sam, this is Willie Zimmer, whose quiet authority informs the mailroom."

'You're unquestionably the most handsome, intelligent, virile, chick-magnet to ever grace these parts.'

Artist paints his thumb

'The good thing about the outside is that it's always open!'

Two oars doing a high five.

"So let's talk about my self-importance, I'll start."

Football Referee Standing On Large Whistle

'No, I left the price on to impress the neighbours.'