Heroic Parent Gifts

"I miss the Augean stables."

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

Cry babies.

Impressing dad.

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"Mother, I think I'm good enough to exhibit on the living room walls now."

'You must be very proud Daphne.'

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

Children's artwork exhibition.

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

"Anachronism or not, it just ain't the fourth without the ribs and Willie Nelson."

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

Babies vs. Dogs

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

'She posted her first blog today.'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

Mother feeds messy child with extra long spoon.

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

'Is THIS the way you plan to spend your peak learning years?'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

"We're so proud. Only 5 months old and already knows how to scroll and swipe."

'Dear, Junior ate his first house today!'

Acclaimed mother.

'It is a big day! Ten years ago, yout dad joined the union!'

"Little Lucas doesn't go anywhere without his weighted blanket."

"We're going to the park to size up the competition."