Hermit Jokester Gifts

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

"Beat it! Here comes the major and his entire staff!"

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"Before someone says anything, yes, it was a long winter."

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'Classical music, huh?...You mean like Elvis?'

The Mayor Alonzo Q. Furdweiller Pothole. Looks like the mayor and the city council are bickering again.

"Honey! A Jewish starfish!"

"I haven't changed my facebook status."

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

At The Clown Bank.

"I'm very highly strung!"

Homeworking has really been the death of the office party, what do you think?

It's a Four Seasons sleeping bag.

"I'm sorry, but the flight of the bumblebees has been cancelled."

"Let's work on opening up that fourth chakra."

Serpent Instrument player

The woodwind section

Gregor Samsa III, who doesn't go out much, calls in a large order to the shopping channel.

"Wisdom is growing your hair long so the hairs growing in your ears don't show

'We got Ethan this accordion to make some extra money. People pay him not to play it.'

'It's SUPPOSED to be quiet up here!'

"And a parsley in a pear treeeee."

'Someday, you'll be a big star!'

STRIP Hambone: Techinical support in layman's terms #2

"And this time, Figgis, try to play it as if you are not using 'forged notes'."

"The universal remote. That's how God rules the universe."

'Murder my spouse? Oh, that's nothing but an old wives' tale.'

I wasn't having an out-of-body experience. I was social distancing from myself.

"Apparently you should have kept your Facebook private."

Big Al's Banjo, Accordion, and Bagpipe Palace - Closed due to Geneva Convention

Roger's computer crashes.

"I thought we said no presents!"