Heirloom Handler Gifts

"Someday, you may thank me for breaking what was becoming, in this family, a viscous cycle of inheritance!"

Little girl dangling from her horse track.

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

'The word bath is mentioned.'

"It was her mothers"

Old Spice

"I often consult with a higher authority... my grandmother."

"And to my son Frank, I leave my greenhouse in the country."

"One day this will all be yours to sell off to the highest bidder."

"One fine day my son, all this will be yours."

"It belonged to my great... great creepy Uncle Edgar."

Free Range Sled Dog

"It's nice being in front but I'm sad I don't get a butt to sniff."

The Conductor

"Someday son, this will be all oars."

"One fine day my son, this will all be yours!"

'He likes to point out the obvious.'

"I found grandpa's old cough!"

Leap Heir

"I don't want to be an alarmist, but there's a dumpster in the driveway."

"I was cornered, but then I saw it was Tim, the snake catcher, so I knew I was safe: he would just catch me and release me back here later..."

'You think one is tough, try raising two!'

'. . . and nobody noticed the elephant in the room.'

Janitor at a Music School

"You ever look around for something, and then realize you were holding it?"

"Don't worry, that's just him being friendly."

"Sorry, but the will clearly stipulates that Rex gets the vintage squeaky-toy collection..."

K-9 bathroom.

"Well, the date was going well until she asked me what my job is in the Police Force. "Cadaver Dog" does not seem to be the answer she was after..."

'Someday, son, this can be all yours.'

"It's a disaster Sir: most new recruits suffer from some kind of ADHD or phone addiction and can't follow a trail for more than 30 seconds..."

'Please report any drips to maintenance immediately.'