Heirloom Handler Pillows

"Someday, you may thank me for breaking what was becoming, in this family, a viscous cycle of inheritance!"

Little girl dangling from her horse track.

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

'The word bath is mentioned.'

"I often consult with a higher authority... my grandmother."

"It was her mothers"

"And to my son Frank, I leave my greenhouse in the country."

Old Spice

"This house has been in my family for a considerable period of time."

"One fine day my son, all this will be yours."

"One day this will all be yours to sell off to the highest bidder."

"It belonged to my great... great creepy Uncle Edgar."

The Conductor

Free Range Sled Dog

"It's nice being in front but I'm sad I don't get a butt to sniff."

"Someday son, this will be all oars."

"I found grandpa's old cough!"

'He likes to point out the obvious.'

"One fine day my son, this will all be yours!"

'You think one is tough, try raising two!'

Leap Heir

"I don't want to be an alarmist, but there's a dumpster in the driveway."

"I was cornered, but then I saw it was Tim, the snake catcher, so I knew I was safe: he would just catch me and release me back here later..."

"He didn't leave much - just a lot of unanswered questions..."

'. . . and nobody noticed the elephant in the room.'

Janitor at a Music School

K-9 bathroom.

"I daresay you can't wait to get your hands on my royal teapot collection."

"Well, the date was going well until she asked me what my job is in the Police Force. "Cadaver Dog" does not seem to be the answer she was after..."

"You ever look around for something, and then realize you were holding it?"

"Don't worry, that's just him being friendly."

"Sorry, but the will clearly stipulates that Rex gets the vintage squeaky-toy collection..."

"It's a disaster Sir: most new recruits suffer from some kind of ADHD or phone addiction and can't follow a trail for more than 30 seconds..."

'Someday, son, this can be all yours.'