Hedonism Advocate Gifts

'Maybe I'll die earlier because I drink, smoke and eat too much. But at least, I'll die happily!'

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

Robotic Man

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

"It's o.k., come on out."

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

Slavery Reparations

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'What'll it be?'

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

"Honestly, doing the right thing is going to be a big change for us."

Free-range C.E.O.s

"All these vitamins and nutrients, plus it makes it own sauce! We should be eating this!"

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

Frankly, I'm not as interested in resisting temptation as I am in finding it!

"If you work hard, exploit your employees, take advantage of a pandemic, use loopholes to avoid taxes,hoard your wealth, and in an act of extreme self-indulgent meaningless vanity, you can someday be an astronaut."

Cleaning Out the WildLife for New Residential Construction.

"My famous chicken soup! The secret ingredient is the rum."

'This is one of the drawbacks to leading by example.'

UK street artist Banksy puts his money where his graffiti is

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

The bird of peace is caged

'What do you mean I have to eat more greens? I eat pistachio ice cream every night.'

'That, sir - that dismissive little hand wave? It's way too Enron.'

Mexcian Border

"My telemedical nutritionist calls it surprisingly smooth, with a fruity bouquet rendered more enticing due to a hing of cassis and touches of bell pepper aroma."

On the buses...I stopped off for a beer and back rub.

"Which one had the health benefits in it?"

Sorry, coach. My mom says the other football pants are "too revealing."

"To the fact that martinis have no cholesterol, gluten, or GMOs...."

Another brazen raid by People for the Ethical Treatment of Athletes.