Healthy Hedonist Gifts

'What do you mean I have to eat more greens? I eat pistachio ice cream every night.'

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

"All these vitamins and nutrients, plus it makes it own sauce! We should be eating this!"

"My famous chicken soup! The secret ingredient is the rum."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

'Some of you may have heard that Dr. Weil is giving HIS talk right now in the next auditorium.'

'It says, 'If you want more fiber, eat the package.'

'Is it organic?'

"It has come to my attention, Collins, that you are hydrating on company time."

"When I say I'm rich I don't just mean in Omega 3 oils."

'Of course he's an actor. When was the last time you saw a kid enjoy something that was good for him?'

Spring.

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

Frankly, I'm not as interested in resisting temptation as I am in finding it!

'If you want your diet to work, you're going to have to take the wheels off your refrigerator.'

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

'Don't worry. His diet's only last a day or two.'

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

"Tell you what, dude, I'm writing you a prescription for a scented candle and some granola."

Academy.

Books or Junk Food.

Popeye Switches to Kale.

'My prescription: digital textbooks.'

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

'What you need is some negative growth.'

Right, like you're the first shrink to recommend aromatherapy.

Women in grocery store contemplates high and low calories.