Hedgehog Whisperer Gifts

'Your hedge fund manager is here, sir.'

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Bitchbark Canoe

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

Licensed Therapist

"No no, I said sit!!"

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

"Quick, start the car!"

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

Barks in code.

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

'Bert's dog training.'

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

Dog Dreams

Raw food, after you leave for work.