Hedgehog Whisperer Pillows

'Your hedge fund manager is here, sir.'

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Bitchbark Canoe

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

Children's Parties

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"No no, I said sit!!"

Licensed Therapist

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

"Quick, start the car!"

Barks in code.

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

Canine Companion

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."