Hippo Whisperer Gifts

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Bitchbark Canoe

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

"No no, I said sit!!"

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Licensed Therapist

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

Braiding a Horse's Tail

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

"Quick, start the car!"

Barks in code.

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

'Bert's dog training.'

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

Dog Dreams

Raw food, after you leave for work.