Hedge Humorist Gifts

"I think you're 'hedging your bets' sir, as you still have a boundary dispute with your neighbour!"

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

Home Video

'What exactly is it you dislike about slugs, Mister Crabtree?'

'Carson came to us from a hedge fund.'

unprunin

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"You're looking a bit RUFF this morning."

'You called me out of the blue... Cobalt, ultramarine, prussian, cerulean or phthalocyanine?'

"Wow! That's an amazing welding project!"

"All my stuff is 'Rosebud'."

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

"Sorry, there's no toilet paper or hand sanitizer down here."

'Steven! Those nuts are for guests! Stop hiding them!'

A Not So Grand Slam.

"You have a good lie."

Hedge Car

No one liked working the red-eye shift.

"Can I interest you in a ledge fund?"

'We need to slow down and take our time getting into our hurry up offense.'

Oh yeah, that's right. Now everyone wants to know the radiator cow.

"There's a worry that if we impose rules on hedge funds they may leave the UK..."

'Must be Pandora's.'

Cotton candy

Freak Accident Specialist

"Was that me or did the oven buzzer go off?"

"I admit - as papercuts go it's quite a serious one."

'So, Bill! What do you think my chances are of moving into supervisory position?'

"We only need to slaughter one more - grab that one."

'I drank too much last night.'

"All I know is, I named my pet porcupine Bill Ackman, and he immediately lost a hundred points."

"The kids of today catch on so quickly, Ted! Remember how long it took US to master the finer points of crony capitalism?"

'Will you watch out! You're swarming in my way!'

Of course it's filled with my old skins, it's my shed.

"We do have a wonderful art collection, but it has taken over somewhat: We either need to have a bower or get professional help..."