Hazard Humorist Gifts

'Since this sinkhole showed up, this is an easy par 3.'

No one liked working the red-eye shift.

'So, Bill! What do you think my chances are of moving into supervisory position?'

Ladder and the Saw

"I admit - as papercuts go it's quite a serious one."

Tiger in the rough.

Then get under cover before you are struck by lightning.

"Ohhh...pick me pick me!!"

'I'm getting some unusually high readings around you.'

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

ABC Vice Company: Employees Must Squash Hands Before Returning to Work

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

Restaurant menu board: 'Day old - 2 day old - 3 day old'

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

'This is your lucky day!'

'You forgot the product label.'

"Go back! The place is full of mold!"

Team medic spraying deodorant

"Oh, no, no, no, no! Please, NOOO!"

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

Public toiletsbathrooms for dogs using fire hydrants in cubicals.

'Guns Galore Inc' 'Prolong your Life'

"I did warn you about doing that, Gorak. . ."

'I missed my roommate so I went out and got this spray called, 'Never Showers,' and now it's like she never left.'

"I need a transfer from the wind tunnel departmnet please."

'I've battened down the TV to protect us from weather reports.'

"Whoever pulls it out becomes King of Britain, but Phil licked the handle, so..."

A Not So Grand Slam.

'If they don't want me drinking out of the toilet, what's this roll of napkins for?'

"This next one's a sad little number I call, 'I left my guitar on the F train.'"

Hazardous substance - ignitable, corrosive, reactive, toxic, real smelly, yucchy.

"I love you, Ethan, bit I floss alone."

Remember to wash your hands: "...but not compulsively."

'What did you find in your soup?'

"I like making pastry... It gets your hands clean."