Hedge Funds Gifts

"We're a hedge fund, Mr Marney, so I'm putting your allocation at 30% stocks, 30% bonds, and 40% bushes."

"All I know is, I named my pet porcupine Bill Ackman, and he immediately lost a hundred points."

The president's men

We need to put more money into Lithuanian sardine futures...I think that warrants bonuses all around!

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

"When I said that if only poor people worked a little harder they might get some money, I didn't mean my money."

Cigars for the Upcoming Bear Market

"Your farm's doing well John. What's your secret?"

'Twenty percent bluechips, ten percent small-caps, five percent currency hedges and the remainder in cash. Get that list to Santa right away.'

"I know your dad's a hedge fund manager, Amber, but you don't need a bigger piece of paper to draw a picture of your house."

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

Man leaving 'Wall St, closed-end mutual funds' building with hand full of money.

"It drives me MAD when people whine about the amount top management get paid. . ."

"Today the market closed at exactly the right price, and all buyers and sellers were very happy."

"I used to have A Green thumb but it was mainly for hedge funds."

The New Square Mile Regulator.

The Economy Discovers FFF!

First Little Piggy Investment Associates

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

'Your investments in sub prime mortgages have become collectors items now! Aren't you excited?'

"I crunched the numbers until cautiously opportunistic."

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

'Psst. . . tell me about your 'obscene dividend' fund.'

What goes up...

"This investment will make a pile of money. Of course, a good question is 'for whom?'"

'He runs a very successful hedge fund.'

Hedge funds make billions from short selling Coronavirus stocks.

"In view of climate change, I'd put all my money into ice cream, mineral water and weapons!"

Law Offices. Ernie's client left his fortune to his dog, and his cat is contesting the will.

'We ride the storm until greed is back.'

"It's all very well for people to go on about restraining hedge fund managers...but they have not idea of what we do!"

Hedge Car

Man with a Plan

'It's not really a growth OR a value portfolio. It's more of a feel-good portfolio.'

'Forget about it. What's to say that Frobisher's apples are any better than the hedge fund he used to run?'