Hedge Fund Enthusiast Gifts

"I used to have A Green thumb but it was mainly for hedge funds."

Tree's Tree Nursery. Of course we can plant them. We'll be right over! $. It's the only hedge fund I can get behind. Tree's Trees.

'Resources dug deep, Hedge funds were trimmed and Chinese stocks were hungry for more in an otherwise slow day for Metaphors'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

The president's men

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

Wall Street Couch

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

Day trading.

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

We need to put more money into Lithuanian sardine futures...I think that warrants bonuses all around!

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

US dollar perched on fragile house of cards.

'Stocks rose on the rumor that the market is mostly rumor-driven.'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

"My path to success and fortune was that rather than foraging and storing my own food, I built a portfolio of storage properties to rent..."