Hedge Fund Manager Gifts

"Invest? No offense, but I've read about you guys."

Man with a Plan

"Amazing - from up here I can't even see the foundations that we're built on."

"I was at a high-powered investment firm for seven years and a high-powered penal institution for a year and a half."

'Read an investment book that changed my life...please help.'

"And that's how Twitter almost crashed the Dow."

'That's our hedge-fund manager ... he's regularly called upon to do the impossible.'

'Your hedge fund manager is here, sir.'

"I'm a Schedule D kind of guy with a little Schedule E thrown in."

Herd of Hedge Fund Managers about to cross a river.

'Forget about it. What's to say that Frobisher's apples are any better than the hedge fund he used to run?'

"O.K., don't e-mail this to anyone, but we're shorting black big time."

"I say we buy. Hedge fund managers are flying low."

We need to put more money into Lithuanian sardine futures...I think that warrants bonuses all around!

"I got in on the ground floor with Gamestop."

Free Pair of Garden Clippers to our new Hedge Fund Investors.

"The bad news is it's all our clients' money."

'He runs a very successful hedge fund.'

Jake was a hedge fun manager in the city.

Hedge Fund Manager: 'Maybe'.

'Give us today our daily big bucks...'

'Our vows didn't say anything about hedge fund mis-management!'

'Did I get this right? You fear that there's a hedge fund manager in your cupboard ready to take over your company at the first opportunity?'

"Everyone said we're crazy to hike a snake charmer, but he's out top fund manager."

What goes up...

"Today the market closed at exactly the right price, and all buyers and sellers were very happy."

"You taught me how to sit, roll over and fetch, Roger. In appreciation, I'd like to share with you a few things I've learned about hedge fund management!"

'Twenty percent bluechips, ten percent small-caps, five percent currency hedges and the remainder in cash. Get that list to Santa right away.'

"This investment will make a pile of money. Of course, a good question is 'for whom?'"

Hedge Fund Manager...

'I'm sorry, sir, but as a Wall Street executive you should know when something's a bad deal.'

Ex-Hedge Fund Manager

'Hi, I'm a hedge fund manager.'

'Well, is there someone with the aptitude to solve this kind of problem who didn't decide to become a hedge fund manager?'

This will teach them to short against the Draq.