High-risk Investor Gifts

'It's not really a growth OR a value portfolio. It's more of a feel-good portfolio.'

Aggressive investing.

"If I'm such a poor risk, how did I get so deep into debt?"

"I know it's a big risk, Fred, but don't lose sight of its strongest selling point: You're taking it, not me!"

"Siri, find an ICU near me."

'Basically it's a stock that if a chain of near miraculous events would happen to occur, you'd make a bundle.'

A wiser and a better man

Yomp Investments - Big risks sometimes means BIG BUCKS!: 'I'm a little uneasy about the 'sometimes'...'

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

Boss encouraging employees to invest as company goes down hill

"What do you mean, the market rallied?"

Fish talking in a bar - one has a heap of hooks hanging out of his head 'And you must be the one who got away?'

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

'First of all, let's make one thing clear: greed is good.'

Bought GE stock at its high.

'How did your big investment go, dear?'

'What's your tolerance for risk?'

"I think I need a professional money manager. I invest sixty five percent of my money gambling in casinos and thirty five percent I keep under the mattress."

'He runs a very successful hedge fund.'

"I'm a little uneasy about the 'sometimes'."

'It turns out it wasn't an Internet scam after all. It was just a really bad investment idea.'

"After thoroughly researching all the details, I think we can now safely throw caution to the wind..."

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

They're rich but not in a glamorous way. They're Certificate of Deposit rich.

'I'm screwed...'

"Looks very promising. Put us down for one half of one share."

'My accounts aren't insured, but it's the risk I take for higher interest rates.'

"I hope you know that's a mutual fund and not a sole proprietorship."

'Should I buy or sell?'

Investments: thrill-seekers welcome.

Investments: We have socially correct stocks, but 'wrong' usually pays better.

'When do we start playing for keeps?'

A businessman balancing on a unicycle that has a coin as a wheel, on the line of a graph of falling financial performance.