Risky Investor Gifts

"You wouldn't believe how good they are. I'm making money on my asbestos and horseshoe stocks."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

Stock market investment advice

"If I'm such a poor risk, how did I get so deep into debt?"

"I know it's a big risk, Fred, but don't lose sight of its strongest selling point: You're taking it, not me!"

'Basically it's a stock that if a chain of near miraculous events would happen to occur, you'd make a bundle.'

'Yeah, the job's got great benefits, but mainly I like the safe work environment.'

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

Boss encouraging employees to invest as company goes down hill

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

Yomp Investments - Big risks sometimes means BIG BUCKS!: 'I'm a little uneasy about the 'sometimes'...'

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

"What do you mean, the market rallied?"

Fish talking in a bar - one has a heap of hooks hanging out of his head 'And you must be the one who got away?'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'First of all, let's make one thing clear: greed is good.'

"You should consider buying."

The last of the Mom and Pop brokerage houses

Bought GE stock at its high.

Animal worries.

Locally Grown Stocks, Farm Fresh CDs, Free Range Annuities.

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

'How did your big investment go, dear?'

'What's your tolerance for risk?'

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

"I think I need a professional money manager. I invest sixty five percent of my money gambling in casinos and thirty five percent I keep under the mattress."

Garage Sale: Assorted shares of stocks.

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'It turns out it wasn't an Internet scam after all. It was just a really bad investment idea.'

'Finzter, our newest investment adviser, believes that money can make you happy.'

"I'm a little uneasy about the 'sometimes'."

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

'It's not really a growth OR a value portfolio. It's more of a feel-good portfolio.'