Heckling Pillows

'Whoa! Time out. The loud guy in the white shirt is right - that was a ball. My mistake. Sorry everyone. Thank you, sir.'

I'm thrilled you'll be joining me at my first baseball outing this year. You've been invited solely because I need fellow taunters. Rule #1: Yell as loudly as possible at the players. Make them utterly #$% miserable. Gonna be fun. Gonna get beatings.

"Why is this quarterback still playing?"

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

Why do they prefer a pitcher to a belly itcher? Everyone loves a belly itcher!

'...60, 80 - whoa! - a hundred bucks! Okaaaay, you've got 20 minutes.'

'He's a cheat I tell you - it's just a trick!'

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

'I just got text-heckled!'

'Foul ball!!'

"Stop reading this stupid paper."

Puppet Audience

'Don't look now, but the winner of last season's 'The Biggest Heckler' is here.'

'I knew the marriage wouldn't last...She brought a date to our wedding.'

Free tickles any size

'This isn't about the heckler. We need to look at why you're not ready with a snappy comeback.'

"OOOOWWOOO!"

Last chance to heckle a Yankee, next 150 miles.

Witness the Slap & Tickle School of Negotiation.

I'm putting together a group to go to a minor league baseball game this week. So? I'd like a big group. More people means more yelling at the opposing team. And? Don't make me ask directly. Ask or I won't go. Go with us. In the form of a question, supplicant!

'Why do they use that stuff? I mean, OK, it gives them a vocal advantage. But steroids ruin the integrity of heckling.'

'The wolves' annual convention had barely started when Betty began to heckle the speaker.'

I hear you own a small plane. You will fly me to Scotland. Scotland? They're trying to break away from the United Kingdom. It's history in the making. Naturally, I must be there to heckle it. Sorry, Sadie, I have a hot date. BUT A COHEN HAS BEEN HECKLING HISTORY EVER SINCE SADIE THE ELDER TOLD CAESAR THOSE KNIVES MADE HIM LOOK FAT! Sorry. A date's a date.

'He's a master of the cruel put down.'

'Alright alright, you win! Stop tickling me...'

'I haven't heard this much booing since Backstreet Boys announced they were reuniting.'

'You don't understand this letter? It means that your reading comprehension skills are under par. You will have to enroll in remedial courses.'

Dominic walks onto the court, safe and secure in his new heckle proof body armor.