Heavily Invested In Humor Gifts

Another quality job by Bulldozing for the Hell of It, Inc.

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

Clown on bike.

'You lifted your head.'

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

Welcome Association of Stage Builders.

"Honey, have you seen my onions?"

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

"Thank you! That last tune took some fancy fingerpickin'. Apologies to those in the front who may have gotten a press - on nail or two in their drink."

Captain Hook getting his hook stuck in the rail, again

Three kids in a trench coat, twenty years later.

'Then it's settled. We'll make 7 million with blue handles, 5 million with red handles, 4 million with purple handles and 2 million with green handles.'

300 cows in a field...grazing!

Man sitting on bank with pulling up fishing with sign from fish attached to hook: Gone fishin'.

'Like you, I don't know why they feed us every day, but as long as they do it, I'll stay...'

'Damn, I'm out of earshot!'

"Roadkill cookies"

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

'Basically it's a stock that if a chain of near miraculous events would happen to occur, you'd make a bundle.'

The Contrarian funds

'I told you not to order the chocolate cream surprise.'

Investments.

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

"What do cows do in their spare time?"

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

'Peanuts, popcorn, steroids!'