Heat Escapist Pillows

Summer

"Yeah, finding an oasis to drink from would be good, but boy, finding one big enough to have a long, cold bath in would be Heaven!"

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

'I blame global warming!'

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

Tourist in the desert

Man trapped in bubble from bubble bath.

"I'm your exit strategy."

'LOOK RENOLDSON, i've had JUST about enough of your moaning and groaning! IF you can't stand the heat, GET out of the oven!' / A chef scolding his apprentice inside an oven.

'When you take a vacation to get away, you really get away!'

"I find a good way to avoid stress is to close the curtains, climb into bed, and pull the covers over my head."

"Meet my cats - Step Over Me, Dust Around Me, and Sit Somewhere Else."

Dangerous tax audits.

'I don't know when I've seen it so humid.'

'Tell me if this hurts.'

'Sounds way too complicated, let's phone for a take away.'

'I never wanted a dishwasher. I find the best place to get some peace from my teenagers is the kitchen when the sink is full of dirty dishes.'

'I brought this in so we can cut down the insurance company's phone tree.'

Indoor sauna.

Well, I'm not leaving.

'Hot enough for you?'

"You're a very lucky man, Mr. David. Your insurance covers it."

"Move over! - I just got the bill!"

I'm earlier than usual this evening due to an elevated level of chatter at home.

"It's a Bermudez New Year's tradition! While adults reflect peacefully on the previous 12 months...the children clean the entire house."

'I'm waiting until someone develops a Weapon of Mess Destruction.'

"Oh look... You don't know how to wash dishes. I guess you don't ever have to wash them again."

'Stranger, we live in this climate because we're practicing for hell.'

Disappointing Mirage.

"Yes, this is technically a line. But when I said I wanted to be 'online' all day, this isn't what I meant."

Jigsaw puzzle

'I'm hoping that alcohol is the answer.'

'Mum... I don't like my egg all runny!'