Heat Avoider Pillows

Indoor sauna.

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

Good News about winter

'I blame global warming!'

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

"I can skip my bath. On the way home I jumped in all the puddles."

Man at Fire Escape sees door with 'Hot Button Issues Escape',

Mr. Macho at the game... and after the game is over.

"They hired a cat to distract them from thoughts of change."

"My neighborhood is getting too noisy. Traffic, screaming kids, barking dogs … I'm used to living in quiet desperation."

Beach Burger - without sand 75 cents extra.

"Apparently, my self-driving car doesn't like driving in the snow, because it took it upon itself to drive 1,200 miles to somewhere warm while I wasn't paying attention."

'Any place that doesn't have snow.'

You're right. Winter in Florida sounds better every year.

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

'Is it safe to come out? Are the auditors gone?'

Summer

'No, it's true, I've never seen snow... I always seem to end up going South for winter...'

"Don't just pin this on me. You didn't want to kill the spider either."

'What do you mean, I don't match? Everything I'm wearing is wrinkled.'

"I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone that does yard work."

"But this is the way we've always done it."

'Beautiful day out there, folks. Don't miss it. Complete coverage, coming up next.'

'Joe doesn't like the sun... he prefers the shade!'

'The wife came up with the idea, the Haunted House was dead in this heat, yeah its going down a storm.'

Risks for the heart patient Unloading the Dishwasher "Sorry? No can do." Answering the Land Line R-R-RING! R-R-R-RING! N-nope R-R-RING!!! Doing Taxes "Doc said I should take it easy." Any Car-Related Errand "The old ticker."

'For future reference, just the bottle goes in the chiller.'

"I told you not to order the eggs sunny side up!"

Woman afraid of a computer mouse.

"I've been down here 50 years, but you'd never know it. Staying out of the sun has kept my skin fresh, firm and wrinkle-free."

'I said, any other tips on avoiding stress?'

Virtual priority

'The sad thing is, Jonah's so afraid of the water now, he won't even take a bath.'

You've been late to work two days in a row. Overslept again. I'm taking Slumberesta for my insomnia. Doctor's orders. Your doctor didn't order you to be late for work! Easy. Can't deal with stress. Doctor's orders. Your insurance cover maulings?