Healthy Relationships Gifts

"Not tonight! I have carpal tunnel syndrome!"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

In the Guru District

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

When Ted and Nancy would dance, it was as if they were the only couple on the floor....

Life is for the birds.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

Love at First Sight

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

"You do like octopus?"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

'Oh my God. I love it!'

Romance

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."