New Relationships Gifts

'Mom & her new husband' and 'Pop & his live-in girlfriend'.

"...Yes, I do. But, I also believe in hate at first sight."

"Yes, you will soon find "Miss Right"...but her nickname is "Always"."

Tunnel of You'll-Do-For-Now

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

In the Guru District

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

Life is for the birds.

When Ted and Nancy would dance, it was as if they were the only couple on the floor....

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

Love at First Sight

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"I don't know why you always have to choose the same hide-and-go-seek hiding spot that I do, Tommy!"

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

Romance

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"You do like octopus?"

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love