Healthy Lifestyle Procrastinator Pillows

'I can't take the stress test next week. I have to go to the pool with my grandson and show him how to do a one-and-a-half gainer of the high diving board.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

Exercise Class

Secretive Weigh In.

"Only three more miles and tonight we're good for tiramisu!"

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

Exercising

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

Making healthy substitutions at mealtime

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

Man to woman leaving health club: 'The instructor said I had lots of body definition ... plump, rotund, obese, heavy ...'

'Yes I do notice an improvement. Your chins don't juggle anymore.'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

Witch has Exorcise Video.

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

'Because we're still part of society - that's why we have to go organic.'

Olive Oil

"My cardiologist taught me the value of heart work."

"I was all set to go to the gym, but you'd be amazed how much, yoga class and pour-a-glass, sound alike."

'My arms are getting shorter.'

"I want you to learn from my mistakes."

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'Busy Dear ?' 'Just watching my exercise video.'

Easy chair exercise machines

An intergalactic oat bran cluster, about to significantly lower Earth's average cholesterol level.

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

'You've made wonderful progress,Miss Pritchard.'

"Well, sometimes we take the dogs for a walk...which puts our fitness level at approximately that of an 80-year-old couple."

Heart Health Levels

"Thank goodness you only bought him dumbbells."