Healthy Humor Aficionado Gifts

"And It counts as one of your 'five a day'!"

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Side effects may include....'

Turn your head and laugh.

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

M.D. You burned a hole in your stomach --- eat only bland foods from now on! No more spicy food?! It's a season-ending injury!

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

Snowman with big carrot nose to one with small carrot nose: 'I'd increase your beta carotene.'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"It says here you've been experiencing peels of thunder�"

'It was at this point that I insisted all employees eat their vegetables.'

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

'Hey, Lori! Take a look at Mr. Geckler's EKG!'

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'