Healthy Food Prankster Pillows

"I put vegetables on my facebook likes just to play with my Mom's head."

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

"I've had enough sweets for one day."

"I couldn't have made my family recipe raisin date nut cake with it's secret ingredient without Jimmy's help."

"I'm not trying to freak you out, but your eel roll is moving."

"Do you realize what the sodium content of this water is?"

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

"I just finished a 10-day cleanse. Now it's time to retox."

Doughnut Criminals

'Thank you for the turkey, thank you for the dressing, and thank you for the squash, which Mother cleverly refers to as pumpkin pie.'

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

'Word to the wise: Always check the cheese for pills.'

'I'm on a diet -- I just eat the brains.'

Spanx Tells Me No

Jenkins won't be here today. He just called in healthy.

"We learnt about nutrition at school today Mum: Our diet didn't rate well at all..."

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

A worm sits in comfort as he has just eaten 4 apples by himself...

Tiny restaurant portion. Man finds magnifying glass amongst cutlery.

Pizza Exam: 'Just deliver it around the back of 'B' block. The money will be by the window. . .'

'Nice Touch!'

Fitz wasn't sure if this was a legitimate rescue or just more culinary trickery.

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."

"Don't be alarmed, Lois, but there appears to be a pop-up thermometer protruding from your right buttock."

Mom & Dad Recipe Corner

'Chef's salad as ordered.'

"It's empty because the health department banned everything inside the box."

"We shouldn't have sugar, wine, beer, cake...we may not live longer but it sure will feel as if we do!"

'I've got rotten teeth and you need glasses, ironic does not even cover it!'

"Hold on! A new study says those are actually bad for you."

Angry Santa Letter