Healthy Eats Explorer Gifts

'I'm taking you off mud, slop, and sows.'

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

Before/After

"From right to left, you have your tekkamaki, your futomaki, and then your yamaimo roll. The little pile of pink stuff is ginger, the green one's wasabi. And, of course, you already recognize your vodka martini."

'Is this still America?'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"Made with a little extra TLC – and THC for good measure."

"This tea isn't helping – I'm taking a gummy."

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

This is great, Ernie, there's a pennant race and the ballpark is packed every day! The food selection here is unmatched anywhere! Today I've already had nachos, a bit of hot dog and some ice cream! Coming here always makes me queasy! Oh, the foods too much for you? No, I just get nervous in a place where the term "sacrifice fly" is used!

"I can deal with the conceptual art and electronic music, but what are these hors d'oeuvres supposed to be."

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

Pastrami in the wild

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

Attack of the 'health' foods

Journey of a sandwich through the digestive system.

'It's the LAST time I volunteer to organise the staff Christmas meal, I've spent three days trying to find a 'traditional' lacto-vegan Christmas menu.'

'Sorry Sir, you've had enough,'

Nutritional Supplements.

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

'Use by June 2007. Gah' - 'Use by July 2007. Double gah.' - 'Best of a bad bunch...'

Lactose intolerance.

"As you can see, my culinary creations are eclectic."

'What the devil is that?

You have no experience eating lobster? Before I spend time showing you how, do you have experience tipping?

"Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is PERFECT for them."

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."