Healthy Aging Gifts

Getting older is . . . making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

"Comebacks require the right frame of mind."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

Pinocchio's Second Realization

They try, but those crows can't make noises they used to. The lost caws!

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"Why bother?"

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

Gary turns 40.

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Inside One's Memory Bank

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

'I must be reaching that age! I can't get my ozone layer up anymore!'

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

'Man...You age great!'

'I'm not in shock, my eyebrows are just receding with my hairline.'

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I don't know who you are!"

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."