Healthcare Professional Wannabe Gifts

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Cardiac Recovery.

Physician tending a mummy.

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

'Your reflexes are still good!'

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

'If you exercise you add 10 years to your life.' - 'But I would spend the 10 years exercising.'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"You work too hard. You have stress balls!"

We saw this episode of Grey's Anatony, I recognize the symptoms.

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'