Healthcare Cost Critic Pillows

'I'm going to prescribe something that works like aspirin but costs much, much more.'

"I'm not a miracle worker. I can't do the surgery for less than four thousand."

'And you say your face after you looked at the bill I sent you for your last visit.'

"I got a second opinion on the operation—my accountant advises against it."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"We don't offer a health-care plan. Instead, we have Lou persuade you not to get sick."

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

Republican Healthcare

Surgical Self-Service

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

Have you drugged your child today?

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'

'Hmmm ... no health insurance. Take him to the Intensive I Don't Care Unit.'

'The bad news is you have a disease that only a highly-paid specialist can pronounce.'

"From one to ten, ten being the worst, describe how poorly drawn and antiquated this pain chart is."

'Sales are up 12% since we moved Recovery over here to the hospital gift shop.'

Doctor's profits match a patient's scar.

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

"Take two of these and call my answering service in the morning."