Healthcare Commenter Pillows

Cost of health care.

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"I'm a common dolphin, I swim the west coast of Scotland foraging for fish and squid."

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

Have you drugged your child today?

'Virus?' - 'Yes, it's a Latin word we doctors use, meaning I haven't got a clue..'

Republican Healthcare

Take a pill so you won't be one.

Surgical Self-Service

"They used to call them G.P.s."

"Your bedside health care book ... thanks for not reading it."

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'

'Hmmm ... no health insurance. Take him to the Intensive I Don't Care Unit.'

'The bad news is you have a disease that only a highly-paid specialist can pronounce.'

'Well that's a load off my mind. Osborne's cutting the 50p tax rate.'

"But Doctor - will the government pay for Ferris Buelleritis?"