Healthcare Analysis Gifts

Masochistic Kinks Exposed

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

vaccine wars.

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"Waiting for the vaccine launch."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

A midwife holding a baby

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Reading my Critics

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."