Health Worry Wart Pillows

"Perhaps you'd care for a home medical encyclopedia that is a little less specific, sir."

'I can't be sick, Doc - I'm a hypochondriac!'

That party went well.

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"Honey, can you read through our list and let me know if I forgot anything?"

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

"....H....5....N...1...???You got me.... but I'm sure it spells trouble."

Introducing Ambient Books: No beginning...no middle...no end...just a bunch of sentences specially written to soothe and relax the reader.

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

'I can't sleep for thinking about global warming.'

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

Woman in bed with catalogue of worries.

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

Zika Epidemic

Warning: Not giving milk is hazardous to your health.

'Remember your blood pressure, dear!...the Dr, warned about anything that would anger you, like this divided congress and their inability to compromise on things beneficial to the nation.'

"It used to be that if you worried about unseen forces you were considered paranoid. Now you're a security expert."

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

"My problem is I obsess over whether I worry enough."

"Will he be okay?"

'I'm worried about not being worried...'

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

"Well, nothing shows up on the tests. Your headaches are probably just stress related."

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

Expensive health care

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

"Interesting greeting ritual."

'The medication wont cure you, but it's side effects will!'

'Doc - this isn't going to cost me a lot - is it?'

"Your disgust over ballooning healthcare costs is just a natural part of the aging process."

"Brenda's always been a bit of a worrier."