Health Worry Wart Pillows

"Perhaps you'd care for a home medical encyclopedia that is a little less specific, sir."

'I can't be sick, Doc - I'm a hypochondriac!'

That party went well.

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"Honey, can you read through our list and let me know if I forgot anything?"

"....H....5....N...1...???You got me.... but I'm sure it spells trouble."

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

Introducing Ambient Books: No beginning...no middle...no end...just a bunch of sentences specially written to soothe and relax the reader.

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

'I can't sleep for thinking about global warming.'

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

Woman in bed with catalogue of worries.

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

'Remember your blood pressure, dear!...the Dr, warned about anything that would anger you, like this divided congress and their inability to compromise on things beneficial to the nation.'

Zika Epidemic

Warning: Not giving milk is hazardous to your health.

"It used to be that if you worried about unseen forces you were considered paranoid. Now you're a security expert."

"My problem is I obsess over whether I worry enough."

'I'm worried about not being worried...'

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

Expensive health care

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

"Well, nothing shows up on the tests. Your headaches are probably just stress related."

"Will he be okay?"

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

"Interesting greeting ritual."

'Doc - this isn't going to cost me a lot - is it?'

'The medication wont cure you, but it's side effects will!'

"Did we turn off the stove?"

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'