Health Treatment Gifts

'No, I'm sorry, Danny. I'm afraid your dad won't be able to shoot laser beams from his eyes after surgery.'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

2021

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"Good For You / Bad For You"

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Self help acupuncture

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

'Look, you can only do so much!'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"Waiting for the vaccine launch."

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

Licensed Therapist

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Do you guys serve beer?"

vaccine wars.

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'