Health Treatment Gifts

'No, I'm sorry, Danny. I'm afraid your dad won't be able to shoot laser beams from his eyes after surgery.'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

2021

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Good For You / Bad For You"

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Self help acupuncture

'Look, you can only do so much!'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Waiting for the vaccine launch."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

vaccine wars.

"Do you guys serve beer?"

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

Licensed Therapist

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'