Therapy Gifts

"Lassie! Get help!!"

"Could we up the dosage? I still have feelings."

"You're too self-critical."

"I'm right there in the room, and no one even acknowledges me."

"Have you ever tried buying lots of stuff?"

"Well, you heard wrong. I do not collect nuts. Look, I can't get into this with you right now ? I'm with a patient."

"With therapy, I've found I don't need it."

'First of all, calm down - your allowed to be on the couch.'

"No, a fear of snakes is not unusual, but in your case..."

Speech Therapy.

"I do count my blessings, but then I end up counting those of others who have more and better blessings, and that pisses me off."

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

I didn't have a happy childhood, I was often misquoted.

"I really want to thank you for these great telepsychiatry sessions, doctor. The format lends itself to easing my anxiety and feelings of inadequacy around others."

"And what do you think will happen if you do get on the couch?"

'I've been clean for six months now.'

'In the interest of full disclosure, I should inform you that I define an hour as 40 minutes.'

"Never mind how other see you, how do you see yourself?"

"They moved my bowl."

"I think that's the last of them!"

"I feel we're making progress."

"It's taking more and more destruction just to feel anything."

"Don't worry, we'll soon have you all sorted out."

"...And how do you feel once you've had a hissy fit."

'Mind if I play the cello for dramatic effect?'

"I'll give you 3 to 1 nobody else turns up."

"Depressed? No doubt. Overwhelmed? Obviously. Crazy? I don't think so."

'Do you ever communicate as a family by just speaking?'

"Look, call it denial if you like, but I think what goes on in my personal life is none of my own damn business."

Stress management Clinic: 'Sorry, closed due to burnout.'

'I could kill for a good cup of coffee now.'

Freudian vs Behavior therapist.

'I really can't talk about my childhood. Before I left home, they made me sign a confidentiality agreement.'

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

"Right. Money isn't everything - what's the other thing again?"