Health-story Sharer Gifts

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

Now that you have a heart, you really should switch to polyunsaturated oil.

"It will be okay to hop when you go home but don't try to run."

'We don't have the answer, but we're really getting off on the attention.'

Life Extension Journal.

"Code blue! Code blue! His heart's grown three times it's size!"

'Yes, I suppose I can learn to live with the pain in my foot. After all, I've been living with a pain in the neck for years!'

'Stay tuned for a surprising new health study regarding...'

A man in hospital is exposed to Covid-19

Theater Usher Moms.

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

'I haven't read the health columns this morning. Is coffee out or in today?'

'You have a parasite, I'm afraid.'

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

'I'm going to administer the anaesthetic.' - 'Okay.' - 'You might feel a little prick in your hand...' - '...as the bishop said to the-' - 'Men are less irritating under anaesthetic.' - 'Zzz...'

'I hope you find something that's worth complaining to my friends about.'

"Which do you want first, the good news that sounds better than it is or the bad news that seems worse than you expected?"

If at first you don't succeed, call your malpractice insurance company.

Press reports suggest that caffeine could provide protection against a range of cancers.

'I only sneezed because I have hay fever.'

"In health news, everything you thought was good for you is now bad for you."

'You should consult my Doctor. You'll never live to regret it.'

The results of your brain scan are in

Light Mayo

'He wants to know where the action is.'

'We couldn't save him, but we found out what made him tick.'

"This is a real good deal. If you take the Gigaburger Family Four, you get free liposuction vouchers."

A New Product from the McWit Sawmill & Bakery, The Highest Fiber Bread: Half wheat and half Bark.

'Apparently the owner of the donor hand was a renowed ladies man.'

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

'You're improving, but your health insurance is wasting away.'

'Powerful antioxidants that can promote good health, found in chocolate. Wait, this just in! Harmful saturated fats found in chocolate.'

'I've been looking over your medical records.'

Sara M. Decided for once not to check Web MD

'Tell Mildred about your near death experience!'