Health Spa Humorist Gifts

'Happy birthday Frank!...'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

Lactose Intolerant

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The first one's just a warning."

PSA Banter.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

Cardiac Recovery.

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

Providing Healthcare For All

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"All my symptoms are old ... "

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"