Spa Day Humorist Gifts

'This? This is my bum-flicking towel. It's less fluffy, for that sharper, whip-cracking effect.'

Leave your troubles in the bubbles

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

Steamed Room: "Man, I feel so much lighter."

Woman at spa having bath in a Martini cocktail glass.

'Tell me this - did you have this condition before you sat in the jacuzzi for 100 million years?'

Loofah Lady

"Because you're a mechanic, we're going to do your hydrotherapy in a car pool."

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

Do you think room service could bring me an ice lolly?

It was time for a little bit of lady admin

Take a break, Archimedes. A nice soak in the bath will work wonders.

"Hey - I'd write a book, too, if I could find the time."

"I see you shaved your legs...for your boyfriend?"

"I just finished a 10-day cleanse. Now it's time to retox."

Massage parlour offering therapeutic, Swedish, and ego massages.

"She massages egos."

Microwave Popcorn. Other side up. Whatever you do, do not go in the sauna.

"Looks like Mom is practicing getting her mask ready for Halloween tomorrow."

'We can remove the hair from your back. Yes, your husband's back, too!'

"I hope he doesn't hear me sizzling."

'My best client? You must be kidding. When she comes I work like for four people but I only receive one person's tips.'

Chill Out ZoneShell Out Zone.

'Happy birthday Frank!...'

'My guess is, you might be running the jets too high...'

'A bike this nice, I didn't think you'd mind me bathing it in your bathtub. Do you have an extra blanket, it'll be sleeping in our room.'

"Pedicure is booming, but manicure is dead."

"This zit is growing way out of control!"

I hate jacuzzi day.

"Can I draw you a bath sir?"

"Are we at the undercoat stage yet, or is this still the primer?"

"In addition to the planning issue, EU directive states that washing ones partner is public is also an offence."

Massage therapist inadvertently beats up client.

Bikini Wax and cellulite

"I'd like the mud and the hot rocks therapy. Tell me more about this slingshot treatment."