Health Scare Contemplator Pillows

Just in time for Halloween...

Deaths from Coronavirus

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"....H....5....N...1...???You got me.... but I'm sure it spells trouble."

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"1971... 2015..."

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

"Aways the victim."

"Cheer up, might never happen!"

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

'What I especially like about being a philosopher-scientist is that I don't have to get my hands dirty.'

"Will he be okay?"

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

Expensive health care

Rule #1. Of what? HYPOCHONDRIACS HANDBOOK. A little passion project I'm working on; or, rather, I would be working on. I can't write or type wearing my protective anti-flu gear. Rule #1: Get some loser to take dictation for you. I hate where this is heading.

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

'The medication wont cure you, but it's side effects will!'

'Doc - this isn't going to cost me a lot - is it?'

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

"Your disgust over ballooning healthcare costs is just a natural part of the aging process."

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'

'I'm sorry to tell that your husband's coverage has expired.'

'You're fine.'

"They told me to consult with a doctor before beginning an exercise program."

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"

'Get back! Get back! Or so help me...I'll eat it!'

'Your present physical condition reminds me of my 401(K), worth about half of what it once was'

'It's Mrs Yomp - she can't remember if she should take the aspirin first and call you in the morning, or call you first, then take the aspirin...'