Health Product Aficionado Gifts

Alternative medicine - some of its remedies are possibly nothing more than snake oil

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

Be Healthy

"Your contents have shifted."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

Shampoo.

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"His mother had a great influence on him. She always made him eat his fruits and vegetables."

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

'Your reflexes are still good!'

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Corona Funeral

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"