Health Policy Gifts

"No need. I have diplomatic immunity."

Take As Directed Or As Budget Allows

'We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities.'

'75% of our resources are taken up dealing with the aged and infirm...and that's just the staff!'

"Just look for something in my price range."

"There are some things medical science cannot explain...like where the hell our health care system is heading."

'Give it to me straight, doc. If I outlive medicare, will I have to flee Canada?'

'Yes, we do offer free medical treatment. But, our statistics show that paying clients are 100% more likely to make a full recovery.'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

"GPs morale is rock bottom...I think we should send them a postcard saying they're very nice!"

'The DOH is targeting the problem of repeat prescriptions with some repeat proposals.'

'I have the results of your tests. Luckily, your HMO lowered the acceptable values, so you don't need any other tests.'

'Under Obamacare the government's gonna force us to have health insurance!'

Medical bills send a patient back into intensive care.

'Intensive and or expensive care?'

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

Government runs bird flu exercise.

'Sorry - global warming is not covered!'

'Research shows there is a direct correlation between life expectancy and payment of medical bills.'

'We need to make cuts...shall we start with the heart?'

'Here he comes to save the day. . .'

Medical Group: Specializing In Treating The Insured.

'That does it. . . Little Freddie is not going to law school! He's going to become an oncologist, Mary a gerontologist and Stevie a pharmacist! We'll be covered!'

The NHS begins using outside contractors for routine operations.

'If I do, will you lower my premium?'

"Actually, what doesn't kill you just raises the cost of everyone's insurance"

Economy cut-backs are hitting the NHS!

Smart Germ/Dumb Govt.

The Doctor Is Coming Soon

Doctor's profits match a patient's scar.

"We've found the money to run a seven day service...as long as all the days are Sundays!"

"Apparently in 'managed care,' you manage by yourself."

'Surgeon General's Warning! Cigarette smoking - induced disease will NOT be covered by Medicare/ Medicade.'

NHS Reorganisation Time Again: 'Just so long as the Ceremony of Choice continues.'

The Government's anti-corona measures are tyranny! Don't listen to them! Choose freedom and follow me!!