Health Oversharer Pillows

"Your blog indicates I'm not doing well at all."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'He taught me the importance of taking a walk each day.'

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

Exercise Bars

"My wife says she wants you to make me fit for purpose."

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

Stopping smoking at work had given Tim the energy to explore his creativity ... 'And I like to call this my dance of the fourth quarters 'profit and loss' account.'

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

Gym. Instructor. Why do you want to learn kickboxing? I've always wanted to win a fight hands down!

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

'Does the gym have a motorized version of this cycle?'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

"Go out and play. You can't just sit there watching wall all day."

'I'm going to suggest increasing your level of activity.'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

No matter what I do, I still look more like a 'before' picture than an 'after' picture.

Stafford Hospital - Twinned with Hell.

Minister rubbishes private sector hospital initiative.

"You know it's the American drug companies that give you the headache that is cured by the pills they sell you."

Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she could deal with her midlife crisis. You should try a radical makeover. When I hit midlife, I dyed my hair, got some tattoos, and dropped 75 pounds. My husband barely recognized me when he returned from overseas. He was not happy with my "new self," so I divorced him rather than change who I'd become. It was the best decision I'd made since I cut my thieving mother out

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

"You call that complementary!?!"

The not so secret life of Walter Mitty

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

'Does my bum look broadband with this?'

Second Opinion

I only weigh 95 kilograms...That's 210...in pounds!

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'